some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize