i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
