I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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