I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
