I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
