Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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