Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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