To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I puked a lego.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
