Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
