You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize