Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
