Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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