I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
