Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
