Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
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