sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
