absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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