I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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