yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
