Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
bring money and cleavage
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Randomize
