We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
