Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
