You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
