im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
