Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
