I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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