Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
