never play flip cup with pint glasses
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
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