you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
