I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I touched a dick in church today
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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