Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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