Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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