He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Life is so much better after having sex.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
