he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
