in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I'm bleeding and have questions
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
