hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
