Will you blow on my dice?
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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