Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
