so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
nutella sex= disaster
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I want her autograph on my taint
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
