just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
