Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
