he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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