I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
