Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
