If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
