do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
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