do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
there is puke in my bra ... again
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
