He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
