some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
