People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
