My sheets look like a crime scene.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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