Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
