Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Floor bacon is actually really good
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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