Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
