I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
