That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
She just used a chaser for red wine.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
