I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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