oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
