Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
