David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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