the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
