I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
