I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
