I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
