I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize