i need an iv and a liver transplant
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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