I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Randomize
