she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
