The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
