p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Randomize
