can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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