do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
