I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize